01 – NEW BEGINNING
I’d like to say something absolutely special happened when I was born. I don’t know… birds started to sing in human voices or a rainbow wrapped the hospital with colorful ribbons. However, nothing happened. It was raining cats and dogs and the storm was raging.
This summer was also full of storms, but everything else changed. I was reborn or I died. Actually, what’s the difference?
A small room I was put in was painted white except for a wide grey strip on the height of a fly. I remember the bed was hard (which really bothered me, I’ve never liked hard beds) and I was strapped to it. The worst part was that my nose was itchy and I couldn’t reach it. It lasted for at least an hour, maybe even longer. I heard somebody’s gibberish behind the walls, another guy just kept on repeating ‘this field, this field, this field’. The third guy from yet another room was saying things that sounded like ‘pne’, or ‘fne’ – it sounded like an inept attempt to pretend a ram bleating. Finally, a nurse came in with a doctor and a big guy in a white apron.
‘Is he causing any problems?’ the doctor asked.
‘No, he’s gentle as a lamb’, the big guy answered, while another ‘pne’ or ‘fne’ could’ve been heard.
The nurse have injected the PVC and hooked a drip. A moment later, everything just started to fade away. I fell asleep.
‘Alfred…’ the doctor addressed me. I saw him very clearly again!
‘Alfie, for fuck sake, ALFIE! Everybody calls me Alfie!’ I screamed. I’ve always hated being called Alfred!
‘So be it Alfie. You were sent here by the court ruling to examine your sanity…’ the doctor was reading this formula almost worshipping his own voice.
I didn’t bother listen to his babble and could finally chill myself out. A monstrous (post mortem I guessed) bust of a woman whose hair looked like a horrifying veil stood on a column casting a gentle shadow on cabinet’s wall. There were lots of framed diplomas hanging on the walls; books and an old radio, which probably didn’t even work sat proudly on the shelves. There were also a coat stand, a desk, a round coffee table, a sofa and two armchairs in the room. And then there was me – strapped to a bed almost vertically set.
‘I have to go to the toilet.’ Although I said it calmly, I managed to annoy the doctor.
‘Pardon me?’ he replied in a very angry manner.
‘I have to go to the toilet’ I repeated.
‘You’ll report your need to the nurse after I’m done. And if you behave yourself, you’ll be able to go to the toilet escorted by our staff, of course. It’s all up to you and your behavior...’
‘But I have to go now!’ I interrupted him again. He seemed very angry. It looked as though I destroyed his ideal plan for the day.
‘I’ve already told you – that’s the procedures!’ he ended the topic and was back to reading.
‘You prick!’ I thought. In this moment, my brain ordered my muscles to stop to tense. At first, I felt my urinary tract started to intensify its work. Then I felt an unspeakably pleasure of a warm moisture inside my pants. The sound of the fluid dripping on the floor was quiet at first, but then it got louder as I was in a vertical position. It didn’t seem to bother the doctor who continued to read his official papers. I smiled, because only I knew that wasn’t all. Few seconds later, my sphincters meekly carried out my brain’s order and a brown mass began to spill out of me. That was impossible to overlook – a new color in this white and sterile room. A big brown and stinky spot started to spread on the white, almost vertically set bed, to which I was strapped, dressed in a white shirt. The doctor only then saw and for sure smelled what had happened. He stopped reading and asked: ‘Do you realize what you have done?’
‘Yes, Doctor, I do,’ I replied. ‘I told you I had to go to toilet…’
When the screams stopped, I felt re-born. The strange sounds from the other rooms started to quiet. The day was coming to its end so I could go where I wanted to be. I closed my eyes.